Low point

This is the low point. I'm sleepy tired, tired of fitting in all the weekday morning runs, and weighed down by the creeping doubts about my progress and preparation. This low point, I know, is a coping mechanism, the way I have always dealt with everything big hanging up in my sites. After an enthusiastic, prompt, proactive, all-in start, after I determinedly hang in there through the middle, I gulp approaching the last real push. I tell myself that I can't swim for real because I can't put my face in the water or I can't apply because there were those extra hours that I should have been studying for the test. I'm not going to do it, I'm going to choke, I'm going to fall short, and worst of all, nobody believes me that this will be the time that I just can't do it.

And then I rally. Every damn time. I know I need to just drop the holding-it-all-together for a brief bit first. Well, Saturday is 20 miles, so it is time for me to mentally rally. Starting it off by collecting a few of my favorite marathon quotes because somewhere after music stops holding my attention, saying a few phrases over and over in my head helps.

Because this is what I tell myself at least once a Saturday:

"It is difficult to train for a marathon; but it is even more difficult to not be able to train for a marathon." -Aaron Douglas Trimble

Because I feel like a kid playing when I'm doing it right, and creative and powerful when at my best:

"There are as many reasons for running as there are days in the year, years in my life. But mostly I run because I am an animal and a child, an artist and a saint. So, too, are you. Find your own play, your own self-renewing compulsion, and you will become the person you are meant to be." - George Sheehan

Because I break it all down this way:

"I tell our runners to divide the race into thirds. Run the first part with your head, the middle part with your personality, and the last part with your heart."- Mike Fanelli

Because my life is no longer a line of obvious next steps, and I'm in search of those that are worthy:

"The race, the marathon, is a renewal of belief in one’s self and the ultimate expression of confidence that you have created the foundation that enables you to go the distance. " - Dolores E. Cross

Because this is how I feel setting my alarm clock, but I like the call and response vibe here:

"Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'" - Peter Maher

Because reasoning with myself can (and should) only go so far:

"Doubt can only be removed by action." – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Because I want to live this:

"The difference between a jogger and a runner is an entry blank." -George Sheehan