Long (Island) Weekend

I took three days to relax. I don't feel perfectly normal yet, but I feel much better, am thinking less, and liking the trend.

We spent the long weekend on Long Island, playing in the pool and on the beaches. Every time I felt a little something, I talked myself down from escalating anxiety, took four slow deep breaths, and reminded myself that relaxing actually was productive. Aside from stopping the suspect med, I wasn't sure how to wait out its exit from my system.

Both stress and too much exposure to sunlight are known to exacerbate lupus in some people. As someone who was called Snow White as a child, I've always been careful about the sun, but I became slightly obsessive about sun protection once I learned of the lupus connection. I've never noticed a connection between sun exposure and lupus activity in my body, though, but I am positive about the powerful calm I get from being in the water and at the beach. I decided it was worth it to do the weekend water baby style- just slathered in sun screen and under a hat.

Friday afternoon, I swam some easy laps in the pool, and laughed a lot. As the afternoon cooled off, I threw on running clothes and jogged very easily for half an hour, the limit I had set for myself upon starting out. It felt a bit stiff at first, but better after 20 minutes or so. It's a throw away workout of a throw away training week, but it was terrific emotionally.

Saturday was a full beach day spent running back and forth between the towel and the ice bucket of an ocean. I couldn't help myself from running down into the ocean or back out, squealing. I felt so exhilarated to be doing little sprints for fun without ankle pain in the sand. Collapsing on the warm blanket, my relief far surpassed escaping the frigid water. Lying on my back, hearing my people laughing, and breathing in the straw hat warmed in the sun over my face, I wondered where I would be now had the last decade gone differently.

Had things not lined up well for me, would I have been at the right place at the right time to make everything that makes me happy now happen? These are the people that I've realized will be here and making me happy no matter how things line up now. It's something I've never wanted to test, so I deeply appreciate the emphatic, reassuring words I've been hit over the head with.

That question also makes me feel like I have to be fine; finer tomorrow than I am today, and taking this all for granted again in a week or two from now.